The Mayor's New Butt1
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.

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            SCENE1

            FADE IN:

            EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY

            A putter strikes a golf ball. It rolls along the green toward
            the hole and stops a good foot short of going in. A slim
            30ish, weasel of a man, JOHNSON 1, one of the three of MAYOR
            HEINE'S cronies present, stands holding the flag.  

                                JOHNSON 1
                          (pointing in misdirection)
                      Isn't that a rabbit?

            Johnson 1 inconspicuously kicks the ball into the hole as the
            everyone looks.

                                JOHNSON 1 (CONT'D)
                      Mayor Heine, wonderful shot! That makes
                      your eighteenth birdie today sir.  I
                      swear if you weren't the mayor you could
                      be Tiger Woods.

            The Mayor, distracted, looks over his shoulder examining his
            balding slightly overweight appearance as it is seen from
            behind.

                                MAYOR HEINE
                      How do I look in these pants?  Is that
                      all right?

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Yes sir, amazing, like a sun-ripened
                      peach.

            JOHNSON 2 is almost exactly like Johnson 1 even to the point
            of dressing the same.  Not being able to bear being out done,
            he jumps forward.

                                JOHNSON 2
                            (enthusiastically)
                      You're packed in those pants like a can
                      of biscuits sir!

            ZIMMERMAN, the third "yes man," stands just to the side. His
            clothes are similar to the Johnson's but he is just a bit
            different and as always is missing out on his chance to get
            in good with the Mayor. Panic is in his eyes as he steps
            forward and blurts. . .

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      You shot a 59 for your fifth time this
                      month, sir!

            VOICE OVER "Fore" in the distance. Faintly in the distance
            the word "fore" is sounded to which no one responds.

                                MAYOR
                          (ignoring Zimmerman)
                      So what are we doing about the election?

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Well, sir, your parade idea is great.

                                MAYOR
                      Yes it is.  I SHOULD have a parade for
                      myself so everyone can see how wonderful
                      I am.  

                                MAYOR (CONT'D)
                          (looking over his shoulder at
                           his own rear)
                             If it weren't for. . . 

            The ZIPPING SOUND of a golf ball cutting through the
            afternoon air can be heard for a split second before the ball
            hits Zimmerman in the head, dropping him like a sac of wet
            cement and emitting the sound of a COCONUT BEING HIT WITH A
            BROOM HANDLE.  Johnson and Johnson look at Zimmerman out cold
            on the green, register what has happened and rush to the
            Mayor's side. 

                                JOHNSON 1
                           Sir, are you okay?  

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Oh my gosh that was so close!

                                JOHNSON 1
                      It's appalling!  The people they let on
                      golf courses these days!

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Thank God that ball didn't hit you!

                                MAYOR
                      Yes I'm fine--

            GENE QUARTERLY pulls up in a golf cart. If Dudley Doright was
            crossed with Superman and Ghandi the man stepping from the
            cart would be him. Quarterly is an ex astronaut who is
            returning from five years in the Peace Corps. He is running
            against the Mayor in the upcoming Mayoral election.

                                QUARTERLY
                      I'm so sorry it usually just goes
                      straight in he cup. 
                      You see I'm late for an appointment, I'm
                      a big brother and I was hoping I could
                      just play through and you just kept
                      hitting the ball over and over. Is
                      everyone ok? 

                                JOHNSON 1
                      The Mayor is fine no thanks to you!

                                QUARTERLY
                      I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I
                      guess I'm just going to call it a day. 
                      This is terribly embarrassing.  

                                QUARTERLY (CONT'D)
                          (to a still unconscious
                           Zimmerman)
                      You take care now.

            Quarterly picks up his ball and walks away.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MAYOR'S EYES NARROWING WITH HATRED.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SLOW MOTION SHOT OF QUARTERLY WALKING AWAY.  MUSIC SWELLS.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MAYOR THROWING HIS GOLF CLUB.

            SCENE2

            EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

            Golf club clangs off the road and lands in the ditch.  MARCO
            and BRUCE, two out-of-work big city fashion designers dressed
            in clubwear, stand in front of an old car that has the hood
            up and steam boiling out of the radiator.  Behind them is a
            sign that says "Welcome to Happy Valley, Home of Heine
            Cement".  In front of that sign are two smaller signs, one
            says "Vote for your Heine" the other "Quarterly for Mayor". 
            Marco, the leader of the two, stamps his foot in frustration.

                                BRUCE
                      What was that?

                                MARCO
                      I don't know. . . doesn't matter.  What
                      we need right is a working car.

                                BRUCE
                      I told you that thingy said it needed
                      water.

                                MARCO
                      So put water it in it.

                                BRUCE
                      Oh wait, I've got my mister!

            Bruce runs and gets his facial mister and rushes up and
            sprays the motor.  

                                BRUCE (CONT'D)
                      Ok. Now try it.

            Marco tries the engine.  It just clicks.

                                MARCO
                      Now what do we do?

                                BRUCE
                      Well call a tow truck.

                                MARCO
                          (pantomimes phone to his ear)
                      Hello, tow truck? Do I look like I have a
                      phone?

                                BRUCE
                      Don't get snippy with me!

                                MARCO
                          (disgusted with Bruce and their
                           situation, beat)
                      Ok, we'll have to hitchhike.

                                BRUCE
                      Hitchhike?  That sounds like an
                      adventure!  What are we gonna wear?

            Bruce and Marco stand on the side of the road with their
            thumbs out wearing a new change of clothes specifically for
            hitchhiking; their New York clubwear a bit too tight for the
            outskirts of a small Southern town.

                                MARCO
                      Try to look tough.  You know this is
                      dangerous.

                                BRUCE
                      Oh this is so exciting!

            A FARMER driving a pick up truck with pigs or chickens or
            dogs in the back pulls up and looks at them sort of like one
            looks at a pink elephant.

                                FARMER
                      You boys ain't from around here, you need
                      a ride?

            Marco and Bruce just nod and get in the back of the truck,
            trying not to touch anything as the farmer pulls away.

            SCENE3

            EXT. GAS STATION - LATER

            Marco and Bruce are looking at the repair estimate.

                                BRUCE
                      One thousand two hundred dollars, and
                      fifty two cents.  How much have you got?

                                MARCO
                      Eighteen dollars and a tic tac.  How much
                      do you have?

                                BRUCE
                      I've got three dollars in my pocket, let
                      me check my bag . . . let's, see . . . my
                      Barbara Streisand CD, an autographed
                      picture of Judy Garland, Oscar Wilde,
                      none those are for sale. What are we
                      gonna do?

                                MARCO
                          (sits down)
                      Just give me some time to think.

                                BRUCE
                          (happily)
                      Ok!

            Bruce grabs a yo-yo out of his bag and starts to play with it
            as a big black limo pulls up to the pumps.  Johnson 1 and 
            Johnson 2, step from the vehicle and enter the gas station
            while Zimmerman pumps gas into the Mayor's car.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Zimmerman, take care of the gas.  

                                JOHNSON 1 (CONT'D)
                          (to Johnson 2)
                      I'm carrying the chicklets back.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      No, I'm carrying the chicklets back, you
                      did it last time, suck up.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Me?  What about you, Mr. Sun-ripened
                      Peach?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (to himself, mocking the
                           Johnson's voices)
                      "You pump the gas Zimmerman, I'm carrying
                      the chicklets."  If I could only find a
                      way to make the boss's butt perfect I
                      wouldn't have to even deal with Johnson
                      and Johnson.

                                ZIMMERMAN (CONT'D)
                          (a beat)
                      For a perfect butt, the Mayor would pay
                      anything. . .maybe even a million dollars
                      he so vain. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MARCO AND BRUCE 

            They have been eavesdropping on Zimmerman.  The proverbial
            light bulb comes on above Marco's head. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            As Zimmerman turns from the car, Marco and Bruce appear
            inches from his face. 

                                MARCO
                      Hello, we're Marco and Bruce of Marco,
                      Marco, and Bruce, Image Consulting
                      Laboratories, Walla Walla Washington.

                                BRUCE
                      We're not from Wal--

                                MARCO
                          (elbowing Bruce sharply in the
                           ribs, causing a yelp)
                      We couldn't help but overhear your
                      dilemma. We at Marco, Marco and Bruce
                      specialize in gluteal reformation
                      enhancement.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Gluteal reformation enhancement?

                                MARCO
                      Yes, it just so happens that we have
                      spent years researching our new material. 
                      It's a combination of lycra, latex, and
                      nitrous oxide.

                                BRUCE
                          (whispering)
                      With just a hint of mint--

                                MARCO
                      Which renders this amazing fabric so
                      light that it frames the derriere
                      perfectly.

                                BRUCE
                          (whispers to Zimmerman)
                      --for freshness.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      What are you guys talking about?

                                MARCO
                      In layman's terms, sir, we can make the
                      perfect butt.

            Zimmerman's eyes widen. He digs in his pocket quickly while
            watching for the return of the Johnsons.  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            JOHNSON AND JOHNSON IN THE GAS STATION

                                                                 CUT TO:

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Take my card, call me at 8:00 tonight. 
                      Make sure you don't breath a word of this
                      to anyone.

            Zimmerman steps into the car.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MARCO AND BRUCE 

            They are grinning at each other.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            JOHNSON AND JOHNSON EXITING THE STORE

            They are bickering at each other as they get in the car and
            drive off.

                                                                 CUT TO:

                                BRUCE
                      That was brilliant!

                                MARCO
                      Mint!  What were you thinking?

                                BRUCE
                          (hurt)
                      A touch of mint never hurt anything. . .  

                                MARCO
                          (to himself)
                      So now what do we do?

                                BRUCE
                      You're the one with the fabric.

                                MARCO
                      I don't have any fabric, you idiot.  

            SCENE4

            EXT. CITY HALL - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE5

            INT. TOWN HALL CITY COUNCIL MEETING - SAME 

                                MAYOR
                      What's the first order of business?

            COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ, the Mayor's right hand man, stands and
            clears his throat.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Commercial rezoning of the cement
                      factory.  Since the entire community
                      respects, reveres, and works at your
                      factory sir, I move that the zoning go
                      anyway you want. If anyone disagrees, we
                      have ways of ...influencing them.

                                JOHNSON 1 & 2
                          (simultaneously)
                      I second.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (a half a beat late)
                      I second. . .too.

            Zimmerman grits his teeth that he again misses his chance.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      All those in favor?

            Everyone says "aye."

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ (CONT'D)
                      Those opposed?

            The sound of crickets CHIRPING.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ (CONT'D)
                      Motion passes.

                                MAYOR
                      And the second order of business is my re
                      election as mayor.

            COUNCILMAN 1, the new guy, pipes up.

                                COUNCILMAN 1
                      But sir, we're the city council, wouldn't
                      that be a conflict of interest?

            Everyone snaps their head to look at the errant councilman
            creating a chance for Zimmerman to slip out and wait for his
            8:00 phone call.

                                COUNCILMAN 1 (CONT'D)
                          (snapping back to reality and
                           stumbling)
                      Because I don't think it is a confli. . .
                      in any. . .no.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE6

            INT. BATHROOM STALL - MOMENTS LATER

            Zimmerman hiding in the bathroom stall.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Ok . . . so you guys bring your product
                      and I'll pick you up in 45 minutes after
                      the council meeting.

            Zimmerman hangs up the phone, then calls his wife.

                                ZIMMERMAN (CONT'D)
                      Hi honey, I'm going to be late tonight. 
                      I have a great idea to present to the
                      Mayor.  Yeah I'll tell you all about it
                      when I get home. I love you too. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE7

            EXT. MAYOR'S HOUSE - LATER - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE8

            INT. MAYOR'S HOUSE - SAME

            Inside his palatial home, the Mayor is wearing a bike-tard
            exercising on his stair master while his big haired, big
            cleavaged wife counts reps for him from the couch while
            eating chocolates. Pepe stands ready to serve, the door bell
            RINGS and PEPE rushes to answer it   

            SCENE9

            Zimmerman is at the door with Marco and Bruce.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Good evening Pepe.  I need to see the
                      Mayor.  It's very important.  

                                PEPE
                          (wide-eyed)
                      Oh, by all means, come on in.

            SCENE10

                                PEPE
                      Mr. Zimmerman sir.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Mayor, Heine, I know this is unusual 
                      sir. . .

                                MAYOR
                      What is it, Johnson?

            The Mayor stops his exercising and turns to face Zimmerman
            sweat dripping down his face.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Zimmerman, sir. I'm Zimmerman. Uh, these
                      gentleman, they--

                                MARCO
                          (interrupting)
                      Mayor Heine, what a pleasure to meet you! 
                      A man of such prestige and power!

                                BRUCE
                      And so 80's!

                                MARCO
                          (elbows Bruce)
                      We're Marco and Bruce of Marco, Marco,
                      and Bruce, Image Consulting Laboratories
                      of Walla Walla Washington.  We specialize
                      in gluteal reformation enhancement.

                                MAYOR
                      Gluteal reformation enhancement, what the
                      heck is that, Johnson whats the meaning
                      of this!?

                                BRUCE
                      We fix butts.

                                MARCO
                      We have spent years researching our new
                      material.  It's a combination of lycra,
                      latex, and nitrous oxide--

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      With just a hint of mint.

                                BRUCE
                          (whispers to Honey)
                      For freshness.

                                MARCO
                      --which renders this amazing fabric so
                      light that it frames the derriere
                      perfectly like a picture of the Mona
                      Lisa.

                                BRUCE
                      Except with bigger cheeks.

                                MARCO
                      Our team of scientists have worked for
                      over ten years on this fabric to get the
                      warp and weft to work with the nitrous
                      oxide to create the perfect tension--

                                BRUCE
                      --and it's hypo-allergenic.

                                MARCO
                      --and when you wear a suit made solely of
                      this fabric it renders your entire
                      physique literally flawless.

                                BRUCE
                      --and it's turbo-charged.

                                MARCO
                      --and all natural.

                                HONEY
                      --and fat free.

                                BRUCE
                      Yes and fat-free.  

                                BRUCE (CONT'D)
                          (to Honey)
                      Fat-free, that was great.  

                                HONEY
                      Thank you!

                                BRUCE
                          (motioning to her ring)
                      Oh! That's nice.  Is it Tiffany's?

                                MAYOR'S WIFE
                      No it's mine.

                                MARCO
                      So, are you interested?

                                MAYOR
                      How much?

                                MARCO
                          (alomst to himself)
                      Well, first we'll need the right working
                      environment to construct your suit.
                      And of course, transportation.  And
                      shipping for the fabric is so expensive. 
                      You know it's made on the Mir space
                      station.

                                MAYOR 
                          (impressed)
                      The Mir space station?

                                MARCO
                      Yes, because it's so light, you know, no
                      gravity.

                                MAYOR
                      It has to be ready by Saturday for my
                      parade.

                                BRUCE
                          (gulps)
                      But this is Friday!

                                MAYOR
                      NEXT Saturday.

                                MARCO
                          (making money motions with his
                           thumb and index fingers while
                           looking into the distance)
                      Saturday. . .that. . .well. . .

                                MAYOR 
                      Money's no object!

                                MARCO
                          (thrilled with his good luck
                           spins and shakes the Mayor's
                           hand)
                      It's a deal!  We'll need a few things
                      right away though. . .

                                MAYOR
                      Johnson!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      It's Zimmerman sir.

                                MAYOR
                      Make a list.

            The Mayor motions them out and resumes his exercising.

            SCENE11

                                MARCO
                          (as he walks off with
                           Zimmerman)
                      Now, for transportation, we need
                      something expensive--

                                BRUCE
                      I always work better with a lava lamp and
                      chocolate and pay TV and--

                                HONEY
                      And a poodle!

                                BRUCE
                          (turning to his new instant
                           best friend)
                      Oh my God! I SO never would have thought
                      of that. You're so special, where'd you
                      come from?

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE12

            EXT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - LATER - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE13

            INT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - SAME 

            Zimmerman enters his humble home and puts down his briefcase,
            glad to be amongst normal people again. The Zimmerman's are
            real people, his wife, ELLEN, is supportive and pretty. Like
            a sexy June Cleaver. She meets him at the door, and they
            greet each other with a warm hug.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Hey honey.

                                ELLEN
                      Well, how did it go?  Did Mayor Heine
                      like your idea?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Well he seemed to.  If this works. I
                      could get a huge raise. Is Starfish still
                      awake? 

                                ELLEN
                      I'm not sure, she's been in bed for a
                      bit. I didn't know when you would be home
                      for sure.

                                  ZIMMERMAN
                      I'll go check on her and say good night.        

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE14

            Zimmerman enters his daughters room stepping over toys and
            books he sees STARFISH (Maggie), 8 years old, is sleeping. 
            Zimmerman kisses his daughter on the head, exits and 

            SCENE15

            goes to the kitchen where his wife is setting his dinner on
            the table then she starts peeling apples

                                ELLEN
                      I made cookies for later and THESE are
                      for apple pie.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (sitting down to eat)
                      Well aren't we industrious.

                                ELLEN
                          (sitting down at the counter
                           with her husband)
                      So tell me about today?

                                ZMMERMAN
                      These two guys, Ellen, wait until you see
                      them.  If they can do what they say, I'll
                      be city planner before the end of the
                      year.

                                ELLEN
                      I don't know why you're wasting your time
                      as city planner when you could be running
                      the city.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Thanks for the vote of confidence but
                      really.

                                ELLEN
                      Seriously, you could be mayor . . . you
                      SHOULD be the mayor.  

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Knowing how to plan a sewage system and
                      knowing how to run a whole city are not
                      the same thing.

                                ELLEN
                      You can do anything, and I love you no
                      matter what you do.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      I should feel pretty lucky huh?

                                ELLEN
                      Yes you should. Eat your peas.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE16

            EXT. HOTEL - NEXT MORNING,   - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE17

            INT. HOTEL - SAME 

            Zimmerman knocks on Marco and Bruce's hotel room door. 
            Zimmerman's hands are so full of stuff he can hardly make it
            through the door.  Bruce comes to the door wearing the hotel
            robe and a towel wrapped around his head. Bruce grabs the
            frisbee and exits.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Okay, I've got your cash, a can of
                      depilatory and your ( frisbee bounces off
                      Zim's head)...frisbee.  

                                MARCO
                          (grabbing the cash and
                           dipilitory)
                      Now, the fabric will be hand delivered to
                      us by secret courier in three days and
                      we'll need that time in total solitude to
                      concentrate on creating our design of the
                      Mayor's suit.

                                BRUCE
                          (returns and chimes in)
                      Total solitude except for room service
                      and deliveries.(then runs off)

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Okay, well, you have my cell phone number
                      if you need anything.

            (bouncing noises)

            Zimmerman exits.  Marco walks to bedroom door to find Bruce
            bouncing on the bed with the frisbee.

                                MARCO
                          What are you doing?

                                BRUCE
                          (still bouncing)
                      I can touch the ceiling!

            Marco steps forward snatchs frisbee and sits at the end of
            the bed.

                                MARCO
                      You have to work on your designs.

                                BRUCE
                          (sits beside marco and grabs
                           frisbee back)
                      I have to see the fabric first if I am
                      going to make anything.

                                MARCO
                      There is no fabric, you idiot.

                                BRUCE
                      How can I make a suit for the Mayor with
                      no fabric?  

                                MARCO
                          (snatches the frisbee again)
                      There's no fabric, there's no suit,
                      there's no nothing.  It's not real.

                                BRUCE
                      How can I make a suit out of no not real 
                      fabric?

                                MARCO
                          (slaps Bruce on the head with
                           the frisbee)
                      Use your imagination. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE18

            EXT. BARBER SHOP - LATER 

            Zimmerman is taking along Starfish while he gets a haircut. 
            They are laughing and cutting up, Zimmerman is tickling
            Starfish as they come through the door of CRAZY LARRY's
            barber shop.

            SCENE19

            INT. BARBER SHOP - SAME

            It's a typical old school barber shop with three barber
            chairs facing a bank of waiting chairs with and a few
            magazines left from twenty years ago still sitting on side
            tables. The city council president, COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ, is
            sitting in the barber chair and Happy Valley's chief of
            police, CHIEF PAYOLA, is waiting.  When Zimmerman sees the
            Councilman Kutdachez and Chief Payola, he changes his
            demeanor immediately from joking with his son to business.

                                CRAZY LARRY
                          (looking up from his work)
                      Hey Starfish, Mr. Zimmerman, I'll be with
                      you in just a minute.

            They sit in the waiting chairs.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      How is the security for the parade coming
                      Chief?

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                          (very seriously and with
                           enthusiasm)
                      Well, I've got Sam set up over on 4th and
                      Main, and Willie over on 2nd.  I'll be
                      traveling at the front of the parade in
                      the squad car and Fred will be at the end
                      of the parade in his car. 

                                CHIEF PAYOLA (CONT'D)
                          (pause)
                      It's not a squad car, but you know, he
                      can honk his horn. I think we can handle
                      any trouble that comes along.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Did you take care of Mrs. Jenkins?

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                      She's agreed not to march her alpacas in
                      the parade this year.  For gosh sakes,
                      Fred just finished cleaning up from the
                      Easter parade.

                                CRAZY LARRY
                      It stains the concrete.

                                STARFISH
                      Only when they've been eating poke
                      berries.  I like the alpacas.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Well, she's not going to be in the parade
                      again this year.

                                STARFISH
                      My Dad says the only reason she was in
                      the Easter parade is 'cause she's the
                      mayor's first cousin, right Dad?

            Zimmerman clamps his hand over Starfish's mouth.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      What was that?

            Starfish repeats himself with his Dad's hand over his face.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      He said, "the only reason she was in the
                      Easter parade was 'cause the whole town
                      was buzzin'".

            Councilman Kutdachez and Chief Payola look at Zimmerman like
            he's an idiot. 

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Anyway. . .it should be an excellent
                      parade.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Oh yes, I can hardly wait.  I always look
                      forward to the Mayor's parades.

            Starfish is looking at his Dad wide-eyed like his father has
            lost his mind.

                                STARFISH
                      But Dad, that's not. . . 

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Oh look at the time. . .I'm supposed to
                      pick up. . . 

            Zimmerman drags Starfish out the door.

            SCENE20

            EXT. BARBER SHOP - MOMENTS LATER 

            Starfish sulks as they walk down the sidewalk.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      You're wondering why I didn't get a
                      haircut.

            Starfish stares at her Dad.

                                ZIMMERMAN (CONT'D)
                      You know, sweetheart, when you get to be
                      an adult you have to do certain things,
                      act a certain way. . .I have an image to
                      uphold, the people I work with expect me
                      to BE a certain way.

                                STARFISH
                      Is that why you lied about liking the
                      parade when you say how much you hate
                      them?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      It's called politics.

                                STARFISH
                      And politics is why you don't say
                      anything about the Mayor using the city's
                      money to do his own stuff? 

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Did you hear that from your mother?

                                STARFISH
                      Is politics lying? 

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      No, no, no, honey.

                                STARFISH
                      So why do you do it?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      To help us get what we want, our family.

                                STARFISH
                      So you lie to get what you want?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      No, I said politics isn't lying.

                                STARFISH
                      But Dad, you did lie.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Wanna get some icecream?

                                                               CLOSE UP:

            ZIMMERMAN'S FACE.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            OMITTED SCENE      EXT. CHURCH - NEXT MORNING - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE21

            INT. CHURCH - SAME

            The whole community is in attendance.  Zimmerman is there
            with his wife and daughter.  The Mayor is there with his
            wife, and Johnson and Johnson are sitting on the back row. 
            The PASTOR is delivering his sermon.

                                PASTOR 
                      The only thing worse than a thief is a
                      liar!  If you can't trust a man's word,
                      you can't trust the man!

                                MAYOR 
                          (loudly)
                      Amen!

                                JOHNSON AND JOHNSON
                      Amen!

                                PASTOR
                      You shall know the truth, and the truth
                      shall set you free!  	
                          (fist slams on the podium)

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE22

            EXT. CHURCH - LATER

            Zimmerman and his family are leaving.

                                STARFISH
                      Boy, Dad, I'm glad I don't lie.  That
                      lake of fire sounds pretty bad.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (laughing nervously)
                      Yeah.

            Mrs. Zimmerman is standing slightly behind them.  MRS.
            JENKINS comes up to her wearing an awful wig.

                                MRS. JENKINS
                      Oh hello, Mrs. Zimmerman.  How do you
                      like my hair?

                                ELLEN
                      It's. . .wonderful.

                                MRS. JENKINS
                      It's alpaca.

                                ELLEN
                          (With a pasted on smile)
                      Of course it is.

                                MRS. JENKINS
                      Yes I shaved them myself and they hand
                      make them in New Jersey.

                                ELLEN
                      Oh, I can tell.

                                                               CLOSE UP:

            STARFISH'S PUZZLED FACE SEES THE LIES. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE23

            EXT. HOTEL - LATER - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE24

            INT. HOTEL - SAME 

            Bruce is sitting in the floor surrounded by toys and junk
            food and is playing with rock-em-sock-em robots.  Marco is
            looking out the window at the night sky deep in thought.  

                                MARCO
                          (whirls around from the window)
                      I've got it!  It's SOOOO easy!
                      You just have to make sure that drawing
                      is good.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE25

            EXT. CITY HALL - DAY - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE26

            INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - SAME 

            Mayor is kneeling behind his desk playing army men. A knock
            at the door, he clears the desk quickly and straightens up.  

                                MAYOR
                      Come in.

             Zimmerman, Johnson and Johnson enter.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Good morning Mayor Heine, you look
                      wonderful today sir.  Here's the file 
                      that you requested.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Yes sir, you do look wonderful.  Here's
                      your daily schedule.  At 11:00 this
                      morning you have to accept that award at
                      The Ladies' Benevolent Society.  

                                MAYOR
                      What's the award for?

                                JOHNSON 2
                      An award of excellence, for being you,
                      sir.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      It's well deserved, sir.

                                MAYOR
                          (pleased)
                      Oh yes, of course, and those ladies
                      always make an excellent egg salad!

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Then at 3:00 you have to christen that
                      new statue of yourself in the town
                      square.  

                                MAYOR 
                      How does it look from behind?

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Well sir, if Leonardo Da Vinci sculpted
                      with cotton balls that statue would be
                      it.

                                MAYOR
                      Excellent!

                                JOHNSON 1
                          (fishing)
                      Your 9:00 appointment, sir, it's on the
                      book, but there's no explanation.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (cutting in with a smug smile)
                      Sir, your 9:00 appointment is outside
                      waiting. I brought them in with me to
                      work. 

                                MAYOR
                      Oh!  Show them in, show them in! 
                      Johnson, Johnson, go wash the car.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Isn't that Zimmerman's job, sir?

            Mayor just looks at them.  Zimmerman turns his back to the
            Mayor, faces Johnson and Johnson and makes faces.  Johnson
            and Johnson exit, Marco and Bruce enter carrying a big white
            box tied with a wide ribbon.  Zimmerman closes the door
            behind them.

                                MARCO
                      Good morning, Mayor.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE27

            INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

                                JOHNSON 2
                      What's going on?  Who are those guys?

                                JOHNSON 1 
                      I don't know!

                                JOHNSON 2
                      I thought you were the know it all.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      I'm not the one who pretends to know
                      everything.  You are so stupid.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      I hate you.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Shut up!

                                JOHNSON 2
                      No YOU shut up!

            They start a girlie slap fight.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE28

            INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

            Bruce is showing the Mayor his SKETCHES.

                                MARCO
                          (in a hypnotic voice)
                      Now, imagine the suit in these sketches
                      made out of THIS material.

                                MAYOR
                          (looks up from the sketches)
                      Johnson, Johnson! Get away from that
                      door!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE29

            INT . HALLWAY  - MOMENTS LATER

            Johnson and Johnson trip over each other trying to scramble
            away from the door.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE30

            INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

            Marco unties the ribbon on the box.  Inside is tissue paper
            sealed with a gold seal.  He reaches inside the box and holds
            out his arms like he has fabric draped across them.

                                MAYOR
                      Where is the fabric, I don't see
                      anything?

            Marco and Bruce look at each other and gasp.

                                MARCO
                          (shocked and dismayed)
                      Mayor, we thought, surely, you of all
                      people. . . ! 

            Bruce tisks.

                                MAYOR
                      What do you mean?

                                MARCO
                      Well, we explained that this fabric is
                      state-of-the-art.

                                BRUCE
                      State. Of. The. Art.

                                MARCO
                      Only the most intelligent have the
                      ability to see it.

                                MAYOR
                      Most intelligent you say?

                                BRUCE
                      And the most deserving.

                                MARCO
                      Take another look, Mayor.

                                BRUCE
                          (like the snake from The Jungle
                           Book)
                      Connnnncentrate.

                                MAYOR
                      Ohhhhhh, now I see it! It's beautiful.

                                MARCO
                      Intelligent!

                                BRUCE
                      Deserving!

                                MAYOR
                      What do you think, Zimmerman?

            Everyone turns to look at Zimmerman.  A long pause.

                                MAYOR (CONT'D)
                      Well?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (quietly)
                      Stunning, sir.

            Zimmerman's shoulders sink as he realizes he's just sold
            himself out.

            SCENE31

            Series of shots with the Mayor wearing heart covered boxers
            with a wife beater shirt and black socks getting measured by
            Marco & Bruce.  Then Marco & Bruce retrieve their box and
            exit with Zimmerman.(camera flashes like photo shoot?)

            SCENE32

            EXT. CITY HALL - MOMENTS LATER

            Johnson and Johnson are polishing the car.  Zimmerman walks
            up and opens the back door for Marco and Bruce.  Zimmerman
            gets in, starts the car and drives away leaving Johnson and
            Johnson looking on.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      This is all your fault.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      My fault!  You!

            Johnson and Johnson start a girlie slap fight as the car
            drives away.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE33

            INT. CAR - MOMENTS LATER

                                MARCO
                      I told you it would work.

                                BRUCE
                      You're the most intelligent.

                                MARCO
                      And the most deserving.

            They both giggle.

                                BRUCE
                      Can I have a sea-do?

                                MARCO
                      No. . .yes you can.

            They both giggle again.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (from the driver's seat)
                      Hey, guys, what did you say that fabric
                      was made of?

                                BRUCE
                      Fabric?

                                MARCO
                          (elbows Bruce)
                      The fabric.  Well, we can't actually say,
                      it's a trade secret.  If we told you,
                      we'd have to kill you.

            Bruce giggles.

                                MARCO (CONT'D)
                          (needling Zimmerman)
                      You weren't having any problems seeing
                      it, were you Zimmerman? I'm sure it would
                      be very unfortunate if the mayor
                      discovered that someone in his employ was
                      unable to see the fabric.

                                BRUCE
                      Yes, very unfortunate.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      It's beautiful fabric.

            Marco and Bruce gloat.  Zimmerman sinks behind the steering
            wheel.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE34

            EXT. MEETING HALL - LATER - ESTABLISHING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE35

            INT. MEETING HALL - SAME 

            Ladies' Benevolent Society Meeting.  It's a standard old
            meeting hall with a small stage. The room is full of blue
            haired ladies, except for Mrs. Jenkins with her alpaca wig.
            Mayor Heine is seated with Johnson and Johnson on each side,
            and the Mayor's competition, Gene Quarterly, is also
            unexpectedly present and is sitting at the other end of the
            Mayor's table.  CHAIRLADY GIBBONS steps up to the podium.

                                CHAIRLADY GIBBONS
                      Hello, and Welcome to the Ladies'
                      Benevolent Society meeting.  Today we
                      have a very special guest, the Honorable
                      Mayor Heine.

            Round of applause.  Mayor nods appreciatively.

                                CHAIRLADY
                      . . . who will be receiving the Ladies'
                      Benevolent Society Man of the Year Award,
                      for the 3rd year in a row. But first
                      we'll hear from our own Mr. Gene
                      Quarterly who will give his very first 
                      ..."Quarterly report".
                          (giggles)

            Round of applause.  Gene Quarterly steps to the podium.

                                QUARTERLY
                      Thank you Chairlady Gibbons. I have some
                      very good news.  The initial $50,000
                      Puppies, Kittens and Orphans Fund has
                      increased to $80,000 in the first quar
                      rter. (applause) Please please, I have a
                      knack with money, it's nothing.

            More applause.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE36

            LADY #1 AND LADY #2 AT THE TABLE.

                                LADY #1
                      Ooh, he's so wonderful!  We don't have to
                      do the bake sale this year!

                                LADY #2
                          (with chocolate smeared on her
                           face)
                      What will I do with those thirty pounds
                      of chocolate chips?

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE37

            MAYOR'S TABLE

                                 G. QUARTERLY
                      And I will be unavailable for one quarter
                      this year as I am donating a kidney to a
                      very sick lab monkey.

                                MAYOR
                          (fuming, to Johnson 1)
                      What the heck is he doing here?  I gave
                      them that $50,000!

                                JOHNSON 1
                      I don't know, sir.

                                JOHNSON 1 (CONT'D)
                          (to Johnson 2)
                      I thought I told you to check.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      You never told me to check!

                                G. QUARTERLY
                      And I hope with a bit of luck I will be
                      able to continue to serve the lovely
                      people of Happy Valley

                                MAYOR
                          (smiling through clenched
                           teeth)
                      Just shut up.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE38

            QUARTERLY AT PODIUM.

                                QUARTERLY
                          (finishing his speech)
                      ,thank you.

            Applause,he sits down. Chairlady Gibbons comes to the podium.

                                CHAIRLADY GIBBONS
                      Thank you Mr. Quarterly for that
                      wonderful report.  And now ladies, I'd
                      like to present to you "The Ladies
                      Benevolent Society's Man of the Year" the
                      Honorable Mayor Heine!

                                MAYOR
                          (quietly to Johnson 1)
                      How are my pants? 

                                JOHNSON 1
                          (looking behind the Mayor and
                           whispering)
                      Like two squirrels in a gym bag sir!

            Mayor looks at Johnson 1 confused then steps to the podium.

                                MAYOR
                      Thank you Chairlady Gibbons, and the rest
                      of you lovely ladies.  This town just
                      wouldn't be the same without you.  I
                      sometimes wish I was a lady so I could be
                      more a part of your wonderful
                      organization, however my wife wouldn't
                      appreciate that. 

            Giggles from the room.

                                MAYOR (CONT'D)
                      Unfortunately my wife was unavailable to
                      attend today due to a previous
                      engagement.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE39

            EXT. MAYOR'S HOUSE POOL SIDE - SAME 

            Island music is playing in the background.  Honey is floating
            on a raft in the pool drinking from a glass with an umbrella
            in it.  PEPE, the houseboy, is trying to paint her toenails
            and he falls into the pool.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE40

            INT. MEETING HALL - SAME 

                                MAYOR
                      The Ladies' Benevolent Society has long
                      been one the most prevalent and
                      productive organizations in Happy Valley
                      with the most attractive and intelligent
                      women in our county, if I do say so
                      myself.

            More giggles.

                                MAYOR (CONT'D)
                      And with that, ladies, I think we can
                      proceed with lunch.

            Chairlady Gibbons bustles back up to the podium.

                                CHAIRLADY GIBBONS
                      Thank you, Mayor Heine, yes ladies, on to
                      lunch, but first we must ask the
                      blessing.  Mr. Quarterly, would you be so
                      kind?

            Quarterly stands up.

                                QUARTERLY
                      Lord, bless this food we are about to
                      receive for the nourishment of our
                      bodies.  We thank you for Mayor Heine and
                      all the good works that he has done in
                      our city, and we ask that you bless him
                      in his generosity and sincere service to
                      our community.  Amen.

            "Amen" from the crowd.

                                MAYOR
                          (through clenched teeth to
                           Johnson 1)
                      Could I hate him anymore than I do right
                      now?

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Yes you can sir.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Definitely sir, I hate him exponentially
                      more each day.

            OMITED SCENE LITTLE OLD LADY IS SITTING ON THE VERY END OF
            THE TABLE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF JOHNSON 2 SHOUTS.

                                LITTLE OLD LADY
                      The salad is nice!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE41

            INT. HOTEL - LATE AFTERNOON

            Zimmerman struggles through the door of Marco and Bruce's
            hotel room loaded down with sacks and boxes.  Marco and Bruce
            follow him carrying cappuccino cups.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (sighing as he puts down his
                           load)
                      Okay, anything else?

                                BRUCE
                      Yes, could you rub my feet?

            Heavy sigh from Zimmerman.

            SCENE42

            EXT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - EVENING

            Zimmerman parks his car and gets out in the car port moves a
            bicycle, walks to the house  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE43 

            INT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

            Zimmerman, enters the house and hangs his keys on the hall
            tree. Starfish runs up

                                STARFISH
                      Hi, Dad!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Hiya sport.

                                STARFISH
                      Wanna play catch?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Ok, you get the football I'll meet you
                      out front. I really really have to wash
                      my hands. Zim walks into kitchen

                                ELLEN
                          (OC from kitchen)
                      Hey honey.  

                                MRS. ZIMMERMAN
                          (chopping veggies kisses him on
                           the cheek)
                      Dinner won't be ready for half an hour.

                                STARFISH
                          (returns with football)
                      You ready?

                                ZMMERMAN
                          (goes to wash hands)

                       Gimmie a minute. Whats for dinner?

            (starfish exits)

                                ELLEN
                      Vegatable stirfry.

                                ZMMERMAN
                      Sounds great.

            (OC yell from door)

                                STARFISH
                      DAD!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Looks like I am needed, duty calls.

            (exits to front yard)

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE44

            EXT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE FRONT YARD - MOMENTS LATER

            (football flies at Zim, as he exits door) 

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Ok, I see how this works.

                                STARFISH
                      You look tired.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (walks forward sits on
                           football)
                      Do I?

                                STARFISH
                      You look like you need more sleep.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (sighs)
                      Well I have been working a lot.   

                                STARFISH
                      At Politics?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Yea.

                                STARFISH
                      Did you get what you want?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Thats a good question... You sure are
                      nosey for a kid!(grabs starfish rolls on
                      the lawn)

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE45

            INT. MAYOR'S HOUSE - SAME EVENING

            Mayor and Honey are finishing dinner.  Mayor eats like a
            slob.  He is ranting to his wife.

                                MAYOR 
                      . . .and then they ask Quarterly to say
                      grace! He's just an evil man.  

                                HONEY
                      Oh my, what was he wearing?

            Pepe the house boy is serving dessert.

                                MAYOR
                      But it won't matter, don't you worry your
                      pretty little head, I'm going to win the
                      election.  Quarterly doesn't stand a
                      chance.

                                HONEY
                      Mr. Quarterly is so handsome.

                                MAYOR
                          (ignoring her)
                      When I'm in the parade, Quarterly won't
                      turn a single head, because all eyes will
                      be on me. 

                                HONEY
                      Well, the ladies at the beauty shop say
                      that Mr. Quarterly . . .

                                MAYOR
                          (cutting her off)
                      Ah, ha! My peach!  But I will be wearing
                      my new suit!  

                                HONEY 
                      Ohhh that's right when can I see it?

                                MAYOR
                      We did the draping today and the
                      fitting's tomorrow.

                                HONEY
                      Is Mr. Quarterly going to be there?

                                MAYOR
                      No!

            Mayor flails his arms as Pepe walks up with the desert tray.
            Mayor knocks the tray on Pepe, a pie hits Pepe in the face. 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE46

            INT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - LATER 

            Zimmerman, his wife, and Starfish are finishing eating pie.  

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Okay sport, it's time for bed.

                                STARFISH
                      It's still early!

                                ELLEN
                      We'll be there in a bit to tuck you in.

                                STARFISH
                          (leaving)
                      It's still early though.

            Starfish exits.  Zimmerman helps his wife clean up.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      So, this fabric for the Mayor's new suit
                      is so state-of-the-art that only the most
                      intelligent and the most deserving can
                      see it.

                                ELLEN
                      How is that going to help the Mayor?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      They say it makes your entire physique
                      look fabulous especially from behind.

                                ELLEN

                                ELLEN (CONT'D)
                          (raising her eyebrows)
                      Oh, really?  That should make the Mayor
                      VERY happy. What's it look like?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      It's. . .uhhhhh. . .well. . .it has to be
                      ready by Saturday for the parade.  They
                      did the draping today, and there's a
                      fitting tomorrow. Geeze we better put
                      miss smarty pants to bed.

            ELLEN LETS HIM OFF KNOWING SOMETHING IS UP

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE47

            INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

                                ELLEN
                          (as they enter the room)
                      Did you brush your teeth?

                                STARFISH
                      Yep.

                                ELLEN
                          (kisses her)
                      That's my girl.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (kisses her other cheek)
                      Night.

            Ellen exits and Zimmerman starts to turn out the light.

                                STARFISH
                      Dad, could you check the closet. I am not
                      sure but Lucy says that werewolves live
                      there so I think we should check...just
                      in case.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (checking closet)
                      And, what have I told you about Lucy
                      Johnson?

                                STARFISH
                      That "she's an eight year old child with
                      a big imagination."

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      That's right.  See?  No monsters.  Night
                      sweetheart. 

                                STARFISH
                      Night Dad.

            SCENE48

            EXT. YARD - EARLY MORNING

            Close up on Johnson & Johnson's faces we can only see their
            heads. Their bodies are hidden by a white barrier and as they
            speak one will disappear for a second then the other,
            alternating.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      We never wash the car!

                                JOHNSON 2
                      That sneaky Zimmerman!  

                                JOHNSON 1
                      I hate Zimmerman, and who were those
                      guys?

                                JOHNSON 2
                      And what was in that box? 

             SQUEAKING sounds.

                                JOHNSON 1
                      Today, we're going to find out what is
                      going on.

                                JOHNSON 2
                          (with resolve)
                      Zimmerman is going to pay.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE49

            Pull back to reveal they are defacing one of G. Quarterly's
            campaign posters that is standing in someone's front yard.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE50

            EXT. HUMANE SOCIETY - LATER THAT MORNING

            Quarterly is holding a puppy in one hand and holding an
            injured child's hand with the other.  He is standing next to
            Chairlady Gibbons while she cuts the ribbon at the grand
            opening ceremony, and he smiles his superman smile.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE51

            INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - SAME 

            Johnson, Johnson, Zimmerman, Chief Payola, and Councilman
            Kutdachez are meeting with the mayor.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTHECHEEZ
                      Quarterly is leading in the latest polls
                      with widows, single women, flamboyant
                      gentleman and female students and he's
                      gaining on you with housewives.

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                      This is the first time you've ever been
                      behind in the polls.

                                JOHNSON 2
                          (to Johnson 1 under his breath)
                      This is the first time he's ever had
                      anyone run against him.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      We need a serious plan, Mayor.

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                      Should I have Quarterly arrested?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Or maybe we could have a sound fiscal
                      policy.  

                                MAYOR
                      That won't be necessary!

                                BRUCE
                          (pokes his head in the door)
                      Hiya!

            Marco and Bruce enter pushing a rack with a hanging bag on
            it.

                                MAYOR
                      My solution has just arrived. Now, if
                      you'll excuse me, it's time for my
                      fitting.

            Zimmerman, Johnson and Johnson, Councilman Kutdachez and
            Chief Payola exit office to the hall.  Bruce closes the door
            behind them.

            SCENE52

            INT. HALLWAY  - MOMENTS LATER

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      The Mayor's campaign is in serious
                      trouble and he's being fitted for a suit! 
                      Johnson, Johnson, what is going on here?

                                JOHNSON  2
                          (cornering Zimmerman)
                      Yes ZIMMERMAN, what IS going on?

            Zimmerman brushes past Johnson and Johnson and adjusts his
            suit.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      The Mayor is having a new suit made to
                      wear in the parade on Saturday.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      And he thinks all he needs to win this
                      election is a new suit? Ridiculous!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Well, it's not just any suit, it's a
                      special suit.

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                      Special suit?

                                JOHNSON 1 
                      What do you mean, special?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      It's kind of like magic.

                                JOHNSON 1 
                      Magic?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Well, it's so state of the art it might
                      as well be magic. You see--

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE53

            INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY

            Mayor is stripped down to his boxers, wife beater T-shirt,
            and black socks and is standing on a stool in the middle of
            the room.

                                BRUCE
                          (brushing the air at the
                           Mayor's shoulder)
                      Just let me smooth this out right here,
                      there.  Does it feel too snug through the
                      shoulders?

                                MAYOR
                      No, no, it feels nice. Lite as a feather.

                                BRUCE
                      Well, it makes your shoulders look so
                      broad, I thought you gained some muscle
                      since yesterday.

                                MAYOR
                      The left sleeve looks a little too long.

                                BRUCE
                      Oh, you're absolutely right.  Hold your
                      arms straight down.

            Bruce pins the imaginary sleeve.

                                MARCO
                          (to Bruce as he circles the
                           Mayor)
                      Oh, you should see it from behind!

                                BRUCE
                          (circles around to the back)
                      Breathtaking!

                                MAYOR 
                          (looking over his shoulder)
                      Really?  It looks good.

                                MARCO
                      Like a sunset on the Caribbean.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE54

            INT. HALLWAY DAY - SAME 

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      --made of a cutting-edge material that
                      makes the entire physique look fabulous,
                      and frames the derriere perfectly.

                                EVERYONE
                      Ooooooh!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      And, there's another thing about the
                      fabric.  Only the most intelligent and
                      deserving can even see it.

            Marco opens the door to the Mayor's office.

                                MARCO
                          (with a flourish)
                      You can come in now.

            Mayor is still standing on the stool in his underwear.  He
            does a little fashion turn.

                                MAYOR
                          (motioning to his invisible
                           suit)
                      Uhhh? Uhhh? Well?

            Marco and Bruce clap.  The others look shocked but quickly
            cover it up and respond with a chorus of hesitant, but
            overdone compliments looking at one another out of the
            corners of their eyes to see if the others can really see it.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                          (to the mayor, gesturing toward
                           Marco and Bruce)
                      And who has worked this miracle?

                                MAYOR
                      Gentlemen I give you Marco and Bruce, of
                      Marco, Marco and Bruce Image Consulting
                      Laboratories.

            Councilman Kutdachez extends his hand to Bruce.

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Councilman Kutdachez, nice to meet you.

                                BRUCE
                          (laughing)
                      Cut the cheese?

                                COUNCILMAN KUTDACHEZ
                      Kut-da-chez.  It's Romanian.

                                BRUCE
                          (giggling)
                      Right.

                                MAYOR
                          (cutting them off)
                      And Police Chief Payola.

            Marco and Bruce are a little nervous to shake his hand.

                                CHIEF PAYOLA
                          (shaking their hands)
                      Tony Payola, have I seen you guys
                      somewhere other than Happy Valley?

                                BRUCE
                      Ooooo!  Who made your uniform?  It's
                      great.  My friend has one that's just
                      like it, but he's not a policeman.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            REACTION FROM CHIEF PAYOLA. HE LOOKS CONFUSED.

                                                                 CUT TO:

                                MAYOR
                      Well, gentlemen, you've seen it with your
                      own eyes.  The election is ours. 
                      Quarterly won't stand a chance when the
                      public sees me in this suit.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      Plus, Quarterly is so stupid, he won't be
                      able to see the suit!

                                JOHNSON 1 
                      That's right, he's not intelligent OR
                      deserving.

                                JOHNSON 2
                      And the whole town will see him for what
                      he is.

                                MAYOR
                      Quite right Johnson.  Good thinking
                      Johnson.

            Johnson and Johnson beam at each other and then glare at
            Zimmerman.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE 55

            INT. BEAUTY SHOP - DAY

            Honey is having her hair done and is gossiping and laughing
            with the hair LISA THE STYLIST  in a fifties style hair salon
            with Formica counter tops and big cone hair dryers all in a
            row.

                                HONEY
                      . . .well, you'll never guess what!  I'm
                      not supposed to say anything, but my
                      husband has a new magic suit.

                                LISA THE STYLIST 
                          (always interested in gossip)
                      Magic?  Really?

                                HONEY
                      The fabric is made in space.

                                LISA THE STYLIST
                      Space, you mean outer space?

                                HONEY
                      Yes! Outer space!

            Pull back to reveal WOMAN #1 and WOMAN #2 getting their hair
            done by other STYLIST #1 and STYLIST #2 on either side of
            Mrs. Heine.

                                WOMAN #1
                      Outer space?

                                WOMAN #2
                          (whispering)
                      I think she means the moon.

                                HONEY
                      AND only the more smarter people can even
                      see it.

            Pull back to reveal two more LADIES who raise an eyebrow and
            nod.

                                HONEY (CONT'D)
                      AND they have to deserve good things.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE56

            INT. SPORTING GOODS STORE - MOMENTS LATER

            MAN #1 and MAN #2 are looking at fishing gear.

                                MAN #1
                      They say you can't see the Mayor's new
                      suit if you cheat on your taxes.

                                MAN #2
                      Or if you call in sick to work and go
                      fishing.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE57

            INT. CAR - MOMENTS LATER

            CELL PHONE WOMAN driving her car and talking on her cell
            phone.

                                CELL PHONE WOMAN
                      They say it's made by aliens.  And you
                      can't see it if--

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE58

            EXT. SIDEWALK

            OLD LADY #1 is talking to OLD LADY #2.

                                OLD LADY #1
                      --you're nosey.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE59

            INT. COFFEE SHOP

            VEGAN is at the counter. 

                                VEGAN
                      --a Republican.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE60

            EXT. SANDBOX

            KID #1 is talking with KID #2 AND KID #3

                                KID
                      --pee your pants.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE61

            CU REDNECK WITH A SHOTGUN

                                REDNECK
                      --if you like musical theater. . .and
                      listen to the sound track in your 
                      truck. . .

                                REDNECK (CONT'D)
                          (realizing he has revealed to
                           much)
                        . . .when no one's around . . .

                                REDNECK (CONT'D)
                          (hurriedly)
                        . . . that's what I heard. 
                          (cough)

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE62

            INT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE - EVENING

            Zimmerman is helping Ellen with the dishes.

                                ELLEN
                      You won't believe what I heard at the
                      grocery store today.  Everyone in town is
                      talking about the Mayor's new suit.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      How did they find out?

                                ELLEN
                      Suzie told me that she heard it from
                      Ricky's cousin, Mark.  Mark said he found
                      out from Louis.  And Louis heard it from
                      Gale's cousin Lisa the hair stylist.

            Starfish bounds into the kitchen.

                                STARFISH
                      My teeth are brushed!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Okay, sport, it's sack time.

            Zimmerman and Starfish head upstairs to the bedroom.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE63

            INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

                                STARFISH 
                      Are you excited about the parade?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Excited?  Sure.  It should be lots of
                      fun. Do you know how much I love you?

            Starfish stretches his hands out as far as he can.

                                STARFISH
                      This much?

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      At least.

            Zimmerman flips off the light.

                                STARFISH
                      Dad!

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      Oops.

            Zimmerman checks closet light and shuts the door to the
            bedroom.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE64

            EXT. OUTSIDE THE MAYOR'S HOUSE - MORNING - ESTABLISHING  

            Birds CHIRPING.  Pleasant morning scene.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE65

            INT. MAYOR'S HOUSE - SAME

            The Heines are eating breakfast.  Pepe is serving.

                                MAYOR 
                      Today's the big day.  I'm going to wear
                      my suit in the parade and run that 
                      ass-ronaut right outta town--

                                HONEY
                      That's bad.

                                PEPE
                          (thinking she's referring to
                           breakfast)
                      It was prepared fresh this morning! 
                      Shall I take it away?

                                HONEY
                          (puzzled)
                      No.

                                MAYOR
                      --once I establish my gluteal
                      superiority, the population can't help
                      but vote for me.

            Pepe tries to take her plate.

                                PEPE
                      But, I can make you another one.

            Honey holds on to her plate.

                                HONEY
                      I don't want another one.

                                PEPE
                      You said it was bad.

            They tug of war over the plate until it flies out of their
            hands and flies like a frisbee and smashes into the wall.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE66

            BALLOON POPS

                                RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                      Good morning, Happy Valley! It's parade
                      day!  And a beautiful sunshiny day it is. 
                      It's going to be close to 90 degrees out
                      there so don't forget that sunscreen.

            SERIES OF SHOTS

            A) EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET

            Town is gathering for parade.  

            SCENE67

            Marco and Bruce pack their things.  They jump up and down on
            suitcases that are way too full.    

            SCENE68

            C) INT. KUTDACHEZ'S BATHROOM

            Kutdachez tweezes his unibrow.

            SCENE69

            D) INT. PAYOLA'S HOUSE 

            Chief Payola is tightening his girdle.  

            SCENE70

            E) INT. ZIMMERMAN'S HOUSE

            Zimmerman is tying his tie, looks in the mirror and sighs. 

            END SERIES

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE71

            INT. MAYOR'S HOUSE - SAME

            Mayor is standing in front of his three way mirror.  Marco
            and Bruce are "dressing" the Mayor.  

                                BRUCE
                          (looks to Marco giggling and
                           says to the Mayor)
                      No! No! No! You can't wear underpants in
                      the parade! It will ruin the line of the
                      suit!

            Marco and Bruce exchange looks as the Mayor undresses
            completely.  They dress him in his new suit.

                                MAYOR
                          (turns to face his wife)
                      Well Honey? Whaddya think?

                                HONEY
                      Oh, you look just like you did on our
                      wedding night.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE72-79

            EXT. CITY STREET - LATER

            People are lined up along the street to watch the parade. 
            Starfish, with his parents, is trying to find a good place to
            stand.  Starfish is jumping up so he can see past everyone.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            PARADE

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ZIMMERMANS WATCHING PARADE

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH JUMPING UP AND DOWN

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH POV OF BUTTS BLOCKING HIS VIEW

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH TURNING TO HIS PARENTS

                                STARFISH
                      I can't see, I can't see!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            PARADE PASSING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MARCO AND BRUCE STANDING ON BLEACHERS

            They have a briefcase.

                                MARCO
                      If this works, we could open up a store.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH AS HE BEGINS TO PUSH PAST PEOPLE 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH AS HE BREAKS THROUGH THE PEOPLE

                                                                 CUT TO:

            BEAUTY QUEEN PASSING IN CONVERTIBLE

                                                                 CUT TO:

            STARFISH WATCHING PARADE AS HIS EXPRESSION CHANGES

                                                                 CUT TO:

            NAKED MAYOR PASSING IN ANOTHER CONVERTIBLE

            EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - MOMENTS LATER

            A big convertible with Johnson and Johnson in the front.  The
            Mayor is sitting on top of the back seat waving to the crowd
            and grinning.  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - SAME

                                STARFISH
                          (when he sees the Mayor)
                      HE'S NAKED!  MAYOR HEINE IS NAKED!

            The marching band stops, everyone gasps and stares at
            Starfish.  

                                STARFISH (CONT'D)
                      Dad, He's naked!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            PAUSED PARADE

            A beat then the whole crowd erupts in chatter.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            Zimmerman watches the parade break down, knowing it's his
            fault.  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET - SAME

            Marco and Bruce are sneaking away with some bills sticking
            out of their briefcase.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            CROWD CHATTERING

                                                                 CUT TO:

            MAYOR'S CAR

            The Mayor hits the Johnsons as they reverse out of the
            parade.

                                MAYOR
                      Get me outta here!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ZIMMERMAN

            He cuts through the crowd and hops on the newspaper box.

                                ZIMMERMAN
                          (looks at the crowd, the Mayor,
                           then his son)
                      Yes son, Mayor Heine IS naked.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - SAME

            Everyone repeating "the Mayor's naked" etc. down the row of
            people on the street.

                                                                 CUT TO:

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      People, people, people!  This is my
                      fault.  I was just trying to make a
                      difference.  A difference for Mayor
                      Heine, a difference for my family, and
                      for you, the people of Happy Valley. 
                      But, I wasn't brave enough to step out of
                      the crowd and be honest.  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ELLEN AND STARFISH 

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ZIMMERMAN

                                ZIMMERMAN (CONT'D)
                      It took my son to show me how important
                      it is to tell the truth.  I apologize for
                      my mistake, and I'm resigning my post at
                      the Mayor's office.  I'm sorry.

                                                                 CUT TO:

                                QUARTERLY
                          (yells from the crowd)
                      ZIMMERMAN FOR MAYOR! ZIMMERMAN FOR MAYOR!

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ZIMMERMAN'S REACTION

                                                                 CUT TO:

            CROWD AND QUARTERLY

            Crowd joins in "Zimmerman for Mayor!"  

                                                                 CUT TO:

            ZIMMERMAN

                                ZIMMERMAN
                      I don't know what say. . .Oh wait, yes I
                      do!

            Zimmerman jumps down, goes to Starfish, and kneels down.

                                ZIMMERMAN (CONT'D)
                      Thanks sweetheart.  

            Someone "RALPHS" in the background.

            OR

                                TEENAGER
                      Man, that was soooo cheesy!

                                                              CUT TO:   

            HONEY 

            She sidles up to Quarterly.

                                HONEY
                      Hello, Mr. Quarterly, it's so nice to
                      finally meet you.

                                                                 CUT TO:

            SCENE80

            EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - SAME

            Mayor's convertible is pulled off on the side of the street. 
            He's making Johnson and Johnson give him their clothes.  One
            is shirtless and the other is pantless.  They are all
            squabbling and blaming each other.  

            CUT TO:

            SCENE81

            EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN - SAME

            Marco and Bruce drive off into the sunset past the sign that
            says "Thank you for visiting Happy Valley"

                                                               FADE OUT.

                                   THE END
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